One thing I’ve learned from Monty Python, is to always look on the bright side of life. Well, all the people who know me, know that I really like to get upset sometimes. I’m actually pretty good at it. But since I’m sick, I’ve learned and realized, that there is no sense in worrying about things that you can’t change. You should rather focus on the positive stuff.
That’s how I did actually manage to find some good things, that are happening when being sick or getting a chemo therapy. If you accept something, you will learn to love it. Well, maybe love is the wrong word. But at least I know how to deal with it and some things are nice. For real.
Let’s start with the hair. Of course it wasn’t easy to lose it (but I will tell you more about that in a different post). But what I haven’t thought of before I lost my hair: hair loss during chemo means falling out out of hair ALL OVER your body. Means: Shaving is unnecessary. BEST. THING. EVER. Especially during summer. Also a fresh breeze on your head can be really nice too. I’ve always hated my long hair when it was hot weather. Problem solved. Showering is faster than ever. I think I could get used to that. And on top of that: I used to have really thin hair, but after chemo, most peoples hair grows back stronger and thicker than before. Sometimes even in a different color or curly. So I hope that you are ready for my ginger afro. ;-D
But there are more good things. All the water that I have to drink, really helps my skin to stay clear. I really like the turban which I’m usually wearing and, finally, after watching hundreds of youtube tutorials, I even know how to tie it without looking in the mirror. And actually I like pictures of myself more with the turban than with my hair (most of the time). Humor-wise my disease is an open ticket for black humor and sick-people-jokes. I did learn how to inject myself (even though I hate it). And I’ve learned a lot regarding make-up (especially when it comes to eyebrows and lashes).
The other positive aspects are a little more profound. First of all it’s about pride. I’m proud of myself, for managing all of this so well. Never ever had I thought of myself being so strong. But in the end you will only learn about your own strength, when life tests you. I’m proud of myself, for staying positive. I’m proud of myself, for not caring about outward appearances anymore. Getting sick, will let you look at things in a different light and will teach you a lot about yourself. Finally, you will realize, what is really important in your life. Everything else will become secondary. You will start to focus on the things, on which you should’ve had focus on already a long time ago.
And who could have known: cancer is an idiot-detector. That’s probably the best part. If people are scared to lose you (I’m talking about real life-or-death-scared), they will let you know. And if your „friendship“ is just superficial, this is the moment you will find out about it. I’m honestly so thankful, that now I know, who my real friends are and who will only be there for me in good times. I rather only have a few people who are sitting next to my bedside in the hospital, laughing and crying with me and calling or texting frequently to check if I’m ok, than twenty idiots who leave me on my own and come back when I’m healed. My long-term friends became even better friends than they have been before. And some others, who I‘ve wrongly judged as not-so-close-friends, suddenly stood infront of me, crying and becoming better friends than ever. And I will be thankful for them forever. But on the other side there are people that (since they did hear about my disease), stopped contacting me. I couldn’t care less about them. I don’t want to judge them, but I think, it really shows how bad their character is. You must be a really egoistic person, if you disappear as soon as a person can’t offer you 24/7 love, peace and harmony anymore. But fortunately now I know, who cares about me and who doesn’t. And that is priceless.
„Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best
And always look on the bright side of life“
– Monty Python, 1979
Peace and #fuckcancer,
P.S.: Short Life-Update
Meanwhile I’m done with four out of six chemo treatments. I’m always super tired the days when I get the chemo. But I’m feeling good on all the other days (in case the weather is not so super hot like it has been this week). Unfortunately the chemo happens to give me a low immune system and bad blood-test results sometimes. The medicine that I have to inject myself, to help my body produce more white blood cells (they are important for the immune system), makes me suffer from really bad back pain. That’s why I’m mostly high aka on pain killers right now. But I’m ok with that, cause right now that’s the only side effect of the therapy. And it’s not gonna last forever. A couple weeks ago I had a PET CT and they showed me that most of the tumor cells are necrotic. That means, that the tumur is dying and not active anymore at these parts. Hopefully I will get chemo number five next week, if my blood-test results are good enough. 🙂