No Hair Don’t Care

Finally I’m back! Many of you did ask if I’m alright or if I don’t want to share my story anymore. Of course I want! I’m doing good and if I would have more time, I would also share more thoughts with you. The past weeks have been so busy. I’m in the middle of the wedding season and I’ve already had 10 weddings only this month. For the first time I had an intern who followed me around for two weeks. And since a few days I’m back teaching dance classes. All together I’m really okay, but I just had no time to write. Additionally to all this stress I’m dealing wih strong headache, why I try to sleep a lot in my free time. But I have so much more to tell. So, let’s go!

Even if this blog post might seem a little sad on first sight, let me tell you: it’s going to be worth the read! It will be funny!

Today I’m writing about my bald head. When in May my doctors told me, that I will get a chemo therapy, one of my first questions was, if I will lose my hair. They immediately told me, that I will definetely suffer from huge hair loss. Not only the hair on my head, but also lashes and eyebrows. That was a bitch slap.

I wouldn’t say, that I’m a person who cares a lot about my look, but I would lie if I say I don’t care about it at all. Actually I always thought that I’m quite confident. But on this day in May I was so down. Especially without lashes and eyebrows, it’s very easy to not look like yourself anymore. I was so scared, to be reminded on my disease and situation with every look in the mirror. And also I was scared to not be able to recognize myself anymore.

But what actually happened, was completely different. I didn’t expect it. For the first time in my life, I have the feeling to actually see myself. Me, myself and I. Nothing else. I can’t hide behind hair and I’m seeing the shape of my head finally. Even if I needed so much courage first, now my bald head helped me to accept and love myself more. I don’t realize all the things I’ve always disliked about my face anymore. Since I’m not hiding behind my hair anymore, I love my face more than ever.  I don’t want to sound arrogant! I only want to say that my bald head did lead me to more self-acceptance.

Besides this, it is also very handy. Showering is much faster. It’s very refreshing on hot summer days. And I can change my look everyday. One day I’m wearing a headscarf, next day a wig, the day after I’m going out bald. A few weeks ago I challenged myself to go out bald for one week straight. Of course there were some weird looks and stupid comments / reactions, but most of the people reacted really cool. Better than I expected. Ever since that week I’m leavinf the house bald a lot, without feeling uncomfortable.

Of course there are also some negative things about being bald. It’s getting cold real quick. All the flies in summer are landing on your skin. And sometimes it’s super hot and sweaty under the headscarf or wig. Also the eyes are watering a lot without lashes, cause they are not protected against dust anymore.

It was a huge overcoming to shave my head. Round about 10 days after my first chemo, I realized my hair falling out. It started with a few hair on my clothes, but on the last days I was able to easily pull out a whole strand of hair out of my skin without any pain. I did crew out my hair a few times a day and the hair brush was full with hair every time. On day 3 I decided to shave them. I was so annoyed by losing them all over the house. They were EVERYWHERE.

The afternoon before I did it was very hard. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn’t. After crying for an hour I told myself, that there is nothing I can change about it and made the best of it. I called some of my friends and told them they could do whatever they want with my hair. I mean, who always wanted to try a new hair cut, but was too scared? This situation was perfect. I had nothing to lose. We started with bangs and continued with a sidecut, undercut, bowl cut (yes, for real!), middle parting like Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, mohawk and buzzcut. We really did everything! I never laughed that much. There was not one single tear all night. And I have to admit, the mohawk looked really nice on me. 😀

If you made it all the way until here, congrats! You will get a reward. Of course we recorded everything. So now, for the first time, the world will see the ugliest hair cuts EVER. Let me tell you one thing: if you are not going to have an all-over hairloss, never (and I mean it like that: NEVER!) give your friends the power of cutting your hair how they want to. You will definitely regret it.

Now watch and learn!

Peace and #fuckcancer,