The Payback

Before I start, I would like to say one thing: With this article I don’t want to expose or hurt somebody. Probably like you didn’t want to hurt me. I also dont want to moan OH MY GOSH PEOPLE ARE TREATING ME SO BAD! Not at all. In the meantime I laugh and smirk about it.

Before I fell ill I never really thought about what kind of problems people with cancer have to face. Death anxiety, financial problems, vomiting and hair loss would’ve probably been the first things to come to my mind. In the end I can only speak for myself, but one of the biggest challenges for me are WORDS. Yup, words. Words that aren’t well-thought-out. Sometimes even words that were choosen awarely, unaware of what feelings they might cause in a person who has to deal with all of that. But most of the time I’m just shaking my head in disbelief and ask myself what people are actually thinking. Right – probably nothing.

Because I want to share my fellow human beings endless bloopers with you, here are my previous TOP 10 most stupid reactions!

Again: If you should find yourself or your words below, please don’t feel attacked. Maybe you can learn something from it and won’t say stuff like that again in the future (but maybe there is a person somewhere out there in this universe that would like to hear things like this). I know, most of the time people just don’t know how to deal with it! But in the end you made me and my friends laugh and that is precious, isn’t it?


Undisputed number one. No more words needed.


It’s one thing to not believe one that there are high chances of curing and already noticeable improvement. But it’s another thing to actually tell one right to his face. YES! IT DOES LOOK GOOD FOR ME! AND NO! I’M NOT PUTTING A GLOSS ON IT! Do you even think?


Some things just don’t need to be said. Yeah, I know we were all shocked. I was aware of that, that’s why I chose to tell all me friends on Facebook and Instagram what is going on. I picked a positive photo and positive words. Cause that’s just 100% how I deal with my disaese. I asked people to please don’t send me their pity and sorrys. But it seems like some people can’t read. OH GOSH HOW HORRIBLE I’M SO SORRY YOU POOR THING WHAT A NIGHTMARE. These are things that you can tell your parents at dinner. DO YOU REMEMBER EVA FROM SCHOOL? SHE HAS CANCER. HOW HORRIBLE. CRYING EMOJI. But please don’t tell me. I know it already. Thank you.


One of the best reactions so far. Definitely.

„Okay, so now you are taking all of this medicine?“

„Yes, I’m in chemo therapy right now.“

„Oh, you are getting a real chemo?“

YES, CAUSE I DO HAVE REAL CANCER! Like I said, some people don’t think before they talk. But thank you, it was funny. 🙂


I really love the people that have been ignoring me for months, cause we might had a different opinion about something or they didn’t like something about me. They even unfollowed me on Instagram and deleted me on Facebook. Put apparently they saw my HELLO I HAVE CANCER post and sent me a nice ALL THE BEST FOR YOU. Of course in the DMs, so nobody can tell they contacted me. C’mon! If you have a problem with me, please continue with it. Life would be boring if you didn’t.


Oh really? Are you also bald since four weeks? 😀 I really don’t want to attack anybody and I know that most of the time it’s just a stupid phrase. But if you never experienced yourself what it’s like to receive a diagnose like this, be scared to die, loose all you hair and so on, then please don’t say it.


This is the most not-thought-through sentence ever. And it’s crazy how often I had to listen to it. Actually it just shows me that the people who said it are really worried about me and afraid that the therapy might not work as good as we all hope. But you have no idea what it causes inside of me.

One more time: I have cancer. I was diagnosed with it. My doctors are positive. I’m trying to kick my ass everyday to stay positive. Lookong Forward to get my chemoe Treatment everey 14 days and can’t wait for this f**cking thing to piss off. And you just ask randomly: And if it will grow again? What a pain in the ass.


Number 8 has definitely been the most inhuman thing I had to experience. After I stated on Facebook and Instagram what was going on, I received a message from an old acquaintance who is selling food supplements on Facebook. First she applauded me for my positive post, then she told me About one of her clients who took some of her supplements during chemo and instantly felt better. If required I could let her know.

Let’s be honest: How f**cked up does one need to be, to read news like mine on Facebook and try to make money with it. Facepalm.


I had one of the most stupid conversations with somebody who should actually know how to deal with this issue and cancer patients: the psychologist at the oncology ward. Not only was she trying super hard to have this conversation, even though I told her that I’m fine. No, she even did it while there was a craftsman in my room to change the lightbulbs. Like, what the f*ck? Constantly she told me that diagnoses like this could get people into depression. Bla bla bla. She was trying to give me a therapy no matter what happens. The only person in the room who seemed to be in a bad mental condition was herself. Do you know these headshrinkers that take all of their patients problems back home and cry theirselves to sleep? Bingo! (Sorry to all my friends who are studying psychology. I hope you will never end up like that! lol) Last but not least, after my mum and I had tried to convince her 20 times that we are fine. she asked THE question: BUT DO YOU HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS? Me? Definitely not! But maybe you should ask the craftsman over there.


Last but not least a former client of me contacted me. She asked me if I would be ready for something „truly beautiful and transformational“. I got curious. She told me about a famous german TV Show and I asked how I could help her with that. I remembered that since a few weeks already she had been looking for dancers. Her answer: „hopefully by being the dancer.“ I would have loved to recommend some of my freinds or round about 500 other dancers who would be a better fit for a TV casting show. But a good story is a good story. And a semi-good dancer with cancer is more interesting for TV then a professional healthy dancer. What a sad world.


Alright! If you found yourself or your words and feel attacked now: My condolences! (lol) I know, sometimes we all have no idea what to say. But if you are insecure you might want to think about your words one more minute. YOU GOT THIS, I BELIEVE IN YOU surely will help anyone.

I’m looking forward to share a lot more unforgettable, weird reactions and comments here with you. That’s how it all stays exciting, right? So, to everyone out there who likes to put their foot in their mouth on every possible occasion: Enjoy your meal! Get creative!

Peace and #fuckcancer,